A happy teaching parent makes a happy homeschool.

(Hopefully you won’t get burnout just by reading this long diatribe, so I added pretty pictures to break up all the words.)

A friend recommended me to a writer at PBS.org as a person with information on homeschool burnout. She asked me if I would talk to the lady and I had to stop and think. ‘But, I really haven’t experienced homeschool burnout’, I responded. Exactly, she said, you need to tell her how you have avoided burnout so other people will know what pitfalls to avoid and what things they can do to keep from burning out.

Oh, I get it, okay. But, what works for me, works ….for me. Not that there aren’t things you should avoid or things you can do to prevent burnout, but some of the things I do work for us and I have no idea if they would work for others. I figured, why not write a blog post about it (I’m much more witty in writing.) Then she could pick through the post like my kids pick through my dinners (ewww….I don’t want that green stuff, it smells funny) and she could pull out information that she needs from there.

Please don’t think I’ve never been close to burnout, I have hovered over the edge at times, but I have found things that help. That said, let’s get down to business. What is homeschool burnout? It often looks like one of those fireworks that people light up in the street on the 4th of July.

It gets lit and blazes, sparks go everywhere and it shoots off – only to get 2 feet in the air and sputter, falling back to the ground a hollow tube of its former self. So goes burnout, we start off vigorous, full of ideas and planning and then if we aren’t careful we fall into a pit of despair and gnashing of teeth ensues.

Okay, so you have pulled your child out of school, or you have never had them in a school, things have been going fine and then….BAM! Plans get upended, children get whiny, you get frazzled, learning starts to suck, and school is now a bad 6 letter word. In order to understand burnout (and I have seen it) you need to understand why the teaching parent (not always the Mom) gets burned out, why children get burned out and how to stop the vicious cycle of ‘Meh’. I will now separate the teaching parent into two categories, those who have always homeschooled and those that have just pulled their child out of public/private school. Both are homeschoolers, but each has different needs and areas that might cause burnout.

For those that have just pulled their child out of public school, the main reasons for burnout might be: guilt, no ‘me time’, disorganization, lack of support and keeping up with the Jones’s (i.e. the public school.) Most of the time, parents who pull their children out are doing it as a last resort; they are frustrated with the school and think they can do better (and they usually can.) However, having this child at home without some planning, curriculum guidance, support and knowledge is a rough road. Fortunately (if done right) this doesn’t have to be the case. First off, take some time to deschool your child; this means let them read, relax, find out what interests them, and breathe for a bit before jumping back into school.

Use this time to find out all you can about homeschooling, find a support group, attend a conference, talk to other homeschoolers, anything you can do to get a solid foundation. Don’t feel guilty about pulling your child out; don’t feel as though you need to compare your child with others in their grade level. Homeschoolers don’t group kids by grade level; kids don’t exclusively play with only children their own ages/genders/grade levels. This is where the support issue comes in. If your child has school friends and then suddenly doesn’t, you start to wonder about socialization (or do you mean socializing? No matter, read on.)

I promise you, if you join a homeschool group…say, ahem, like mine…you will have no fear of being alone on the path of homeschooling.

So, get rid of the guilt and fear (I can’t do this! Yes, you can), get organized and knowledgeable (find a place for schoolwork, gather supplies, read, read, read about homeschooling, learn how your child learns and have fun), get in a group (again, ahem…mine) and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing (especially the public school.)

Now, veteran homeschoolers, it’s your turn. I have seen people homeschool for years and then one day, they crack. These are people who have support, they know the ropes, they are seasoned (like Five Guys’ fries, yum!) So, why do they burnout?

Here are some things I have seen: over scheduling, being inflexible, fear, trying to put a child in a box, and no ‘me time’. As children get older, learning becomes harder. You can’t stay in Kindergarten forever. Sometimes the teaching parent gets overwhelmed with learning that takes longer and is harder than it was. I am not a genius, but I do love learning. So, if I don’t know something and I am trying to teach it to my child, I will find out all I can about the subject first. Learning with your child has many advantages (for one, they can’t say they know more than you on the subject.) I have come across things that I probably should have learned in school, but was never taught (like long division. Really, I was never taught that and the next year the teacher assumed I knew it….it was awful.) The over scheduling has to do with that nasty ‘S’ word (I‘m shocked you thought it was that one, I’m referring to socialization.)

You suddenly think that even though you are in a homeschool group, your child is missing out, so you rush to sign them up for dance, karate, girl scouts, art lessons and volunteering at the local nursing home….and that’s just on Mondays.

Now, some people and children thrive on activity, so really the scheduling of activities part needs to be tweaked to fit your child. We have a pretty busy schedule, but we like it. I know fellow homeschoolers who are homebodies and if they have two things scheduled in a week, they are frantic.

So, do what is best for your child, schedule activities in light of their personality and likes/dislikes (you will be less stressed, I promise.)

The inflexibility and putting a child in a box (not literally, please) makes burnout a guarantee because they kill the love of learning. Want an example?

I used Teach Your Child To Read In 100 Easy Lessons to teach (successfully) 3 of my 4 children to read. I started it with my 4th child and she wanted none of it. I wanted to do it because it worked before, I was familiar with it and dang it, I knew it worked. After a few lessons with more weeping and moaning than learning going on, I dropped it. I realized that what worked for 3 kids, wouldn’t work for her.

Could I have continued on the destructive path of force feeding her the curriculum? Sure, but she would have hated reading and I would have hated doing school with her.

So, remember, children are different. What works for one, won’t always work for another. Be flexible and keep the love of learning in your day.

Something that is on the list for both of these teaching parents is ‘me time’. ‘Me’ time is different things to different people. I can tell you that without one (and sometimes two) Teacher Night Outs a month, I am a wreck. I need park day to talk to other homeschoolers, I need Exceptional kid’s outings to do the same. I need TNO’s and white chocolate mochas, especially since my hubby is over in Iraq.

I need a morning walk, NIA class, time alone, a good book, Bible study and picture taking (can you tell?) A friend told me that her ‘me’ time has changed. Now it involves her learning new science stuff (yes, that is the technical term for it…stuff) and taking science classes in preparation for teaching classes this Fall. Another friend chooses to have ‘me’ time in her garden, digging and planting.

Other Moms (and Dads) have ‘me’ time that might be riding their bike 20 miles, hiking alone, researching a topic; basically anything that you need to do to fill up you heart, mind and soul so that you can continue on the homeschool journey.

Remember, homeschooling is not a magic pill. You don’t decide to homeschool and wake up the next morning dressed like June Cleaver and quoting John Holt, neither will your kids roll out of bed and appear with a pencil in one hand and a workbook in the other.

You are still you and your children are still themselves.

You need to discover what the love of learning looks like in your family. Be flexible, seek out support, fear not, get refreshed so that you can pass on knowledge – but more importantly, pass on the gift of learning all the time, every day.